Insurance and a Water Hose

A little warning if you decide to move to a place like Port Summerville; make sure you’re healthy and own plenty of homeowner’s insurance.

Most small communities like Port Summerville, a volunteer fire department is all we could afford, so if your house ever caught on fire, — good luck. By the time they pulled the volunteers out of the bars or wherever, the only thing left to do was call the insurance adjuster and build a new house.

If you’ve been diagnosed with a chronic illness and think you’re having a problem, you might as well shoot yourself in the head and get it over with. The result will be the same, except for some blood and a hint of brain matter. If you think the EMS will save your ass, and to no surprise, you will be sadly mistaken—, post-mortemly speaking. And if you experience a heart attack, by the time they get to you, you’re already stiff as a board. Flies are swarming all around and snacking on you for brunch, then you became an incubator for their offspring.

Before rigor mortis reached its final peak of stiffness, your stuff gets parted out by the relatives, and whatever’s left that hasn’t been pillaged, is off to Goodwill, then all that remains, pardon the pun, is a loving memory and a will. As far as Port Summerville having three leading economies, I failed to mention another one; funeral homes. There are three, and business is good. The moral is; at the first sign of anything twitching or aching, no matter how inconspicuous, I don’t care if you’ve got a hangnail, head to the emergency room, and while you’re at it, get an extra water hose.

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